movie: the shopgirl

If ever there’s a movie that would sum up the story of my life, it
would be SHOPGIRL. When I saw the movie, I thought that they were
filming my own life. I was the Shopgirl.
I was the lonely and depressed girl on the film. I was that girl who
felt dead inside. There was a scene where the Shopgirl was lying in bed
and dreaming of possibilities that would never come. I was the girl who
painted by herself. The girl who read books before she slept. I was the
one who lived and yet not lived.
There was a scene when the Shopgirl suffered from a bout of
depression. She couldn’t move. She just stayed in bed and was
catatonic. There was a point in my life when I was like that. I just
curled up into a little ball and stayed in bed. I didn’t want to stand
up. I just wanted to stay in bed. I was extremely depressed and unsure
if I would survive another day. I would cry myself to sleep. When the
morning came, I’d be sad again. And I’d be wondering if I’d make it to
the next day.
But in the end, the Shopgirl found true love. And that changed her.
And she no longer became depressed. The story had a happy ending.
If I hadn’t met Buddhism, I would still be depressed right now. Or
worse, I’d be dead. Buddhism is just a tool. But actually, I wanted
change in my life. When you welcome change, when you are ready for it,
it will just come to you. And it came in the form of Buddhism, new
friendships and new relationships.
Depression is spiritual death. And I had to come to the point of
death to find my way back to life again. There is life after death. And
I found life through Buddhism.